Those Phrases shared by My Parent That Rescued Me as a Brand-New Dad

"In my view I was just just surviving for twelve months."

One-time reality TV personality Ryan Libbey expected to manage the challenges of fatherhood.

However the truth soon became "utterly different" to what he'd imagined.

Serious health issues during the birth caused his partner Louise hospitalised. Abruptly he was pushed into acting as her primary caregiver as well as taking care of their baby boy Leo.

"I was doing all the nights, every change… every stroll. The role of mother and father," Ryan shared.

Following eleven months he reached burnout. It was a chat with his own dad, on a park bench, that made him realise he required support.

The simple words "You are not in a good place. You need assistance. How can I assist you?" paved the way for Ryan to speak honestly, look for assistance and regain his footing.

His situation is not uncommon, but rarely discussed. Although society is now better used to talking about the stress on moms and about postpartum depression, not enough is spoken about the challenges fathers face.

'It's not weak to ask for help

Ryan feels his difficulties are symptomatic of a wider failure to open up amongst men, who continue to absorb negative ideas of what it means to be a man.

Men, he says, often feel they must be "the harbour wall that just gets hit and stays upright with each wave."

"It isn't a display of failure to request help. I didn't do that soon enough," he explains.

Clinical psychologist Dr Jill Domoney, a expert who studies mental health surrounding childbirth, says men often don't want to admit they're struggling.

They can believe they are "not a legitimate person to be requesting help" - especially in preference to a new mother and infant - but she highlights their mental state is equally important to the unit.

Ryan's chat with his dad gave him the opportunity to ask for a respite - spending a couple of days abroad, outside of the domestic setting, to see things clearly.

He understood he required a shift to consider his and his partner's emotional states in addition to the day-to-day duties of taking care of a newborn.

When he was honest with Louise, he saw he'd missed "what she needed" -physical connection and listening to her.

'Parenting yourself

That insight has reshaped how Ryan sees being a dad.

He's now composing Leo weekly letters about his experiences as a dad, which he aspires his son will read as he gets older.

Ryan thinks these will enable his son to more fully comprehend the vocabulary of feelings and interpret his parenting choices.

The notion of "self-parenting" is something rapper and songwriter Professor Green - real name Stephen Manderson - has also experienced deeply since becoming a dad to his son Slimane, who is now four.

During his childhood Stephen did not have stable male a father figure. Despite having an "amazing" bond with his dad, deep-held trauma meant his father had difficulty managing and was "coming and going" of his life, making difficult their connection.

Stephen says suppressing emotions caused him to make "terrible choices" when younger to modify how he was feeling, finding solace in substance use as escapism from the anguish.

"You turn to behaviours that don't help," he says. "They can briefly alter how you feel, but they will ultimately make things worse."

Tips for Managing as a New Dad

• Open up to someone - when you are under pressure, tell a family member, your other half or a professional what you're going through. Doing so may to ease the pressure and make you feel less isolated.
• Maintain your passions - keep doing the pursuits that allowed you to feel like you before having a baby. It could be exercising, meeting up with mates or a favourite hobby.
• Don't ignore the physical health - eating well, staying active and where possible, resting, all are important in how your mind is doing.
• Spend time with other parents in the same boat - hearing about their stories, the difficult parts, and also the positive moments, can help to normalise how you're experiencing things.
• Know that requesting help is not failure - prioritising yourself is the most effective way you can look after your household.

When his father later died by suicide, Stephen expectedly had difficulty processing the passing, having not spoken to him for years.

As a dad now, Stephen's determined not to "repeat the pattern" with his boy and instead offer the security and nurturing he lacked.

When his son starts to have a outburst, for example, they practise "releasing the emotion" together - managing the feelings constructively.

Both Ryan and Stephen state they have become improved and more well-rounded men due to the fact that they acknowledged their pain, transformed how they express themselves, and learned to regulate themselves for their sons.

"I have improved at… sitting with things and dealing with things," says Stephen.

"I expressed that in a message to Leo last week," Ryan adds. "I said, at times I believe my role is to instruct and tell you on life, but actually, it's a dialogue. I am discovering an equal amount as you are through this experience."